If I am elected president...

...I'll give a speech every day demanding a balanced budget from congress.

...I'll vow to veto every bill, and harass all of congress daily, until I get a balanced budget.

...I'll appoint Ron Paul to be the chairman of the Federal Reserve.  (I'll hope he doesn't End the Fed, while he's at it.)

...I'll not sign any bill into law unless the bill explicitly states where its contents are said to be allowable in the Constitution.

...I'll demand a great big patrolled fence on the border with Mexico, and a more streamlined, and faster, process to become a citizen.

...I'll order all U.S. soldiers to be based inside U.S. territory.

...I'll kick the U.N. out of New York.

...I'll eliminate all "czar" positions.

...I'll eliminate half of my cabinet positions, and their departments (education, homeland security, etc.).

...I'll never sign a bill into law that increases tax rates or adds a new tax (unless the new one simultaneously replaces another tax).

...I'll declare anyone who says a kind thing about income taxes a traitor to the country.

...I'll sign an executive order declaring that no permit shall be necessary to legally "bear arms."

...I'll never go on The View.

...I'll find a treasury secretary who has paid his taxes.

...I'll not give a shit about who marries who.

...I'll attempt to return all national parks, forests, etc. to the states in which they are located.

...I'll not sign any bill into law if it is more than a handful of pages long.

If I am elected President of the United States, it will have taken a miracle (or curse) because no one will have voted for me.