The Puppy-Oil Cannon by John Hawkins of Right Wing News
In the Gulf War and Afghanistan, the US military spent an inordinate
amount of money and effort dislodging enemy soldiers who took cover in
caves and bunkers. Today the Pentagon unveiled a new siege breaking
weapon designed to solve that problem; the ‘Puppy-Oil Cannon’. In
response to a reporter’s question, General Tommy Franks explained how
the ‘Puppy-Oil Cannon’ works.
“Basically we dump bags of puppies we get from pounds across the US
into a large vat of oil. They’re then sucked into a giant cannon that
fires them at the enemy. Soon thereafter the oil starts to dry and
become sticky and so what you end up with is a group of enemy soldiers
covered with dead puppies.”
Cries of “Good God” and the sound of retching echoed across the press conference. A grinning Tommy Franks nodded his approval,
“If you guys are retching at the thought of it, imagine what the
enemy soldiers will be doing,” said Franks. “Especially when they
realize at least 1 out of every 5 puppies is alive,” Franks continued.
“Have you ever noticed how disturbing a mewling puppy crying in pain is?
Well imagine having one stuck to your back.” ...